Random spurts of anger have controled my day, with each passing moment is just another minute of pain, another second of unhappiness, another hour of rage.
I look towards tomorrow in hopes of a better outcome, i look toward tomorrow for a better day, a better hour, a better minute, just one second.
My days are consumed with terror in my thoughts, when I try to control them it surrounds me.
I allow my heart beat to put me to sleep, as I begin counting they are coming fast and faster. The average beats per min for my age is 95 yet mine are at 278 and when I feel them coming to fast I stop breathing for 2 mins and they slow down to 22.....
Am I slowly killing myself, instead of taking the easy painful way out, I will do it the long and more un-noticed way.
Today is another day in the books of lows nothing went right, nothing felt right, no one acted right. Everyone in my path has pissed me off today in some way shape or form. I want nothing to do with no one.... I want some to disappear into the darkness. I want to be alone, I don't want to be here when you want me, I dont want to be here when you need me, I dont want to be here at all.
I am blessed to be here, I need to pray harder, seek help from those I havent reached out to, get understanding and compasion for myself, stop allowing people to take advantage of my kindness and of my pain. I am not happy but tomorrow...I will be...right???
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