Random spurts of anger have controled my day, with each passing moment is just another minute of pain, another second of unhappiness, another hour of rage.
I look towards tomorrow in hopes of a better outcome, i look toward tomorrow for a better day, a better hour, a better minute, just one second.
My days are consumed with terror in my thoughts, when I try to control them it surrounds me.
I allow my heart beat to put me to sleep, as I begin counting they are coming fast and faster. The average beats per min for my age is 95 yet mine are at 278 and when I feel them coming to fast I stop breathing for 2 mins and they slow down to 22.....
Am I slowly killing myself, instead of taking the easy painful way out, I will do it the long and more un-noticed way.
Today is another day in the books of lows nothing went right, nothing felt right, no one acted right. Everyone in my path has pissed me off today in some way shape or form. I want nothing to do with no one.... I want some to disappear into the darkness. I want to be alone, I don't want to be here when you want me, I dont want to be here when you need me, I dont want to be here at all.
I am blessed to be here, I need to pray harder, seek help from those I havent reached out to, get understanding and compasion for myself, stop allowing people to take advantage of my kindness and of my pain. I am not happy but tomorrow...I will be...right???
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Do to me, what she won't
I decided to bring this one back...here goes
I told you if youre gonna do it, do it right...and hung up. You came to my house dressed like you were going to the club looking fly as hell. I smiled as I closed the door behind you because youre fully dressed and I have on a tshirt but whatever. I ask you if you want something to drink and you said no, I thought that was kinda rude but whatever. I sit down on the couch and your still standing. I am looking around the room wondering whats wrong with you. You come over to me and say "I only have a few hours, she is expecting me to come home soon" I smirk and take you to my room. I am watching you take your clothes off because if I do it I might leave my scent and I know she will be checking you when you come home. You only leave on your sports bra and boxers. You lay on top of me and start kissing me and grinding against me. Your grinding so hard I feel like I am about to cum already. You look me in my eyes and say "No Neeve...not yet" you already know how excited i can get when your next to me......so I breathe deeply and wait. I still have my tshirt and panties on so i am dying for you to take them off yet you keep grinding on me. I said to you" if you have such a short time here...why are you waisting it?" You take your hand and put it over my mouth, then slide my panties to the side and put your dyck inside me. I arch my back and let out a painful moan. You are stroking me deep, long, and hard. I am feeling so good yet when you push it all the way in its hurting so damn bad. I am doing my best to back up but your holding my hips, you take my legs and put them on your shoulders and start going in and out fast and hard. I am pushing you back but you wont back up so I grit my teeth and try to take the pain the best way i can. You stop....put my legs down...then ask me if you can do to me...what she wont let you. Because I know I have to be all I can be for you, I say yes. You turn me over so i am on my knees. I was up on my hands but you lay my upper body down and keep my ass up in the air. Now I have a min to think, you have done this before so what could you possibly about to do that she wouldn't let you..........then I feel the head of ya dyck near my ass. I am not into anal because I just never could imagine why I would want to do something like that. You tell me to relax, yet that's the last thing I can do and you know it. You try putting yourself inside me but I am bitting the pillow trying to take as much as I can without telling you to stop......I cant take anymore so I say stop. Now I feel like you didn't hear me because you are still trying to push yourself in, I reach behind me and push you back and you back up and then put your dyck in my vagina....you are diggin me deep and hard and I am loving it.....I am backing it up on you hard and about to cum....as I am about to cum you take it out and put it in my ass and i start to quiver and cry....screaming out in passion and you start to cum with me. You pull out...get washed up. Kiss me and say "Thank you......" I wink and say "anytime baby....say goodnight to ya wife for me" You wink and leave.
I told you if youre gonna do it, do it right...and hung up. You came to my house dressed like you were going to the club looking fly as hell. I smiled as I closed the door behind you because youre fully dressed and I have on a tshirt but whatever. I ask you if you want something to drink and you said no, I thought that was kinda rude but whatever. I sit down on the couch and your still standing. I am looking around the room wondering whats wrong with you. You come over to me and say "I only have a few hours, she is expecting me to come home soon" I smirk and take you to my room. I am watching you take your clothes off because if I do it I might leave my scent and I know she will be checking you when you come home. You only leave on your sports bra and boxers. You lay on top of me and start kissing me and grinding against me. Your grinding so hard I feel like I am about to cum already. You look me in my eyes and say "No Neeve...not yet" you already know how excited i can get when your next to me......so I breathe deeply and wait. I still have my tshirt and panties on so i am dying for you to take them off yet you keep grinding on me. I said to you" if you have such a short time here...why are you waisting it?" You take your hand and put it over my mouth, then slide my panties to the side and put your dyck inside me. I arch my back and let out a painful moan. You are stroking me deep, long, and hard. I am feeling so good yet when you push it all the way in its hurting so damn bad. I am doing my best to back up but your holding my hips, you take my legs and put them on your shoulders and start going in and out fast and hard. I am pushing you back but you wont back up so I grit my teeth and try to take the pain the best way i can. You stop....put my legs down...then ask me if you can do to me...what she wont let you. Because I know I have to be all I can be for you, I say yes. You turn me over so i am on my knees. I was up on my hands but you lay my upper body down and keep my ass up in the air. Now I have a min to think, you have done this before so what could you possibly about to do that she wouldn't let you..........then I feel the head of ya dyck near my ass. I am not into anal because I just never could imagine why I would want to do something like that. You tell me to relax, yet that's the last thing I can do and you know it. You try putting yourself inside me but I am bitting the pillow trying to take as much as I can without telling you to stop......I cant take anymore so I say stop. Now I feel like you didn't hear me because you are still trying to push yourself in, I reach behind me and push you back and you back up and then put your dyck in my vagina....you are diggin me deep and hard and I am loving it.....I am backing it up on you hard and about to cum....as I am about to cum you take it out and put it in my ass and i start to quiver and cry....screaming out in passion and you start to cum with me. You pull out...get washed up. Kiss me and say "Thank you......" I wink and say "anytime baby....say goodnight to ya wife for me" You wink and leave.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
With you??
Stepping into the room I am wondering whats on your mind and what you are expecting from me.
As I close the door behind me I see you watching to see if I locked the door or if it remains unlocked.
You stand up and I remain standing at the door because I am not sure if you are about to leave the room.
You walk towards me and I feel my heart begin to race just as your body heat connects with mine.
My eyes are locked on you and I forgot how truly scared I am of your presence.
I guess in some ways I am intimidated by your strength yet turned on because I know you wont hurt me.
You reach around me and I hold my breath kind of unsure of what your going to do.
You finished closing the door and lock it, then you sit down on the bed.
Im still standing at the door just watching you, feeling uncomfortable at how your looking at me
I am trying to remember all of our conversations and if you ever told me how I can tell when your mad.
At this time I do the only thing I know for a fact im good at.......
I come over to you,stand in front of you, and begin to get down on my knees.
I look up at you once more and your expression is the same as when I first walked in the room.
My mood begins to change from being excited to being unsure yet my confidence in my skills tell me even if you are mad I am sure your anger wont last long.
I push your shoulders back so you lay down yet you dont lay all the way back you remain on arched up slightly.
I unbotton your jeans and do my best to not look you in the face because it might cause me to hesitate and I need for you to feel how serious I am
You lift up and at this point I feel you holding back, so I smirk
As my face enters your warmth you grab the back of my head and push it down hard yet slow.
Now I have to figure out if you want to feel how strong my tounge is or should I be as gentle as possible.
With the strength of your grip on my ponytail I am figuring you want it hard and strong.
I start off slowly giving you head waiting for a reaction yet you do nothing.
something tells me your holding back waiting to see how much I have to give how much I have to offer.
I begin to put every skill I have to use, showing you all my tricks and tease you in the most evil way
You stop me and I am shocked and feeling like I just wasnt doing it for you
You stand me up and whisper in my ear....Let me show you how its done
My knees feel weak and my heart beats are faint as if I am on morphene
I sit on the bed and you grin at me and tell me to stand
I stand up, you slide my jeans down and began careesing me gently
My legs are shaking and my hands are sweating,
something inside me wants to tell you to stop
somthing feels wrong about whats happening between us
I wonder if you are feeling the same or if you are just going hard for what you want from me
I am asking myself so many questions about us and why we are here, asking if this is it for us
wondering if this is all you ever wanted from me and once its done if I will ever hear from you
all this thinking i am doing I didnt even realize you have taken my clothes off and layed me on the bed
you look me in my eyes and see that i am distracted yet you keep going as if you didnt notice
I am trying to get into it again but i cant seem to because my mind is so heavy.......
you turn me on my stomach and say "this is what you wanted....remember?:
Now I am truly feeling fucked up and strange and I want to tell you to stop but I am not even sure if you will
Will you keep going knowing i want to stop?
I hold on to the pillow above my head and pull my body upward and you push me back down hard
now Im scared as fuck but I say nothing..........you lay on top of me and say...I love you
we fall asleep in that position.....*smile*
As I close the door behind me I see you watching to see if I locked the door or if it remains unlocked.
You stand up and I remain standing at the door because I am not sure if you are about to leave the room.
You walk towards me and I feel my heart begin to race just as your body heat connects with mine.
My eyes are locked on you and I forgot how truly scared I am of your presence.
I guess in some ways I am intimidated by your strength yet turned on because I know you wont hurt me.
You reach around me and I hold my breath kind of unsure of what your going to do.
You finished closing the door and lock it, then you sit down on the bed.
Im still standing at the door just watching you, feeling uncomfortable at how your looking at me
I am trying to remember all of our conversations and if you ever told me how I can tell when your mad.
At this time I do the only thing I know for a fact im good at.......
I come over to you,stand in front of you, and begin to get down on my knees.
I look up at you once more and your expression is the same as when I first walked in the room.
My mood begins to change from being excited to being unsure yet my confidence in my skills tell me even if you are mad I am sure your anger wont last long.
I push your shoulders back so you lay down yet you dont lay all the way back you remain on arched up slightly.
I unbotton your jeans and do my best to not look you in the face because it might cause me to hesitate and I need for you to feel how serious I am
You lift up and at this point I feel you holding back, so I smirk
As my face enters your warmth you grab the back of my head and push it down hard yet slow.
Now I have to figure out if you want to feel how strong my tounge is or should I be as gentle as possible.
With the strength of your grip on my ponytail I am figuring you want it hard and strong.
I start off slowly giving you head waiting for a reaction yet you do nothing.
something tells me your holding back waiting to see how much I have to give how much I have to offer.
I begin to put every skill I have to use, showing you all my tricks and tease you in the most evil way
You stop me and I am shocked and feeling like I just wasnt doing it for you
You stand me up and whisper in my ear....Let me show you how its done
My knees feel weak and my heart beats are faint as if I am on morphene
I sit on the bed and you grin at me and tell me to stand
I stand up, you slide my jeans down and began careesing me gently
My legs are shaking and my hands are sweating,
something inside me wants to tell you to stop
somthing feels wrong about whats happening between us
I wonder if you are feeling the same or if you are just going hard for what you want from me
I am asking myself so many questions about us and why we are here, asking if this is it for us
wondering if this is all you ever wanted from me and once its done if I will ever hear from you
all this thinking i am doing I didnt even realize you have taken my clothes off and layed me on the bed
you look me in my eyes and see that i am distracted yet you keep going as if you didnt notice
I am trying to get into it again but i cant seem to because my mind is so heavy.......
you turn me on my stomach and say "this is what you wanted....remember?:
Now I am truly feeling fucked up and strange and I want to tell you to stop but I am not even sure if you will
Will you keep going knowing i want to stop?
I hold on to the pillow above my head and pull my body upward and you push me back down hard
now Im scared as fuck but I say nothing..........you lay on top of me and say...I love you
we fall asleep in that position.....*smile*
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